#YesAllWomen

If you know me, even slightly, you're probably aware that I am a God fearing, right wing, Conservative. I, by no means, would ever consider myself to be a feminist. Not even a little bit. But, with that being said, even though I might not be a feminist, I am still a woman. A girl, really. A 19-going-on-20 year old college student.

The hashtag #YesAllWomen has recently exploded across social media, following a shooting at UCSB. Men across the nation, including friends of mine, have been in uproar over the generalization of the male population portrayed by this trend. I'll be the first to admit that I see where they are coming from, but at the same time?

I wholeheartedly believe in the mission of the #YesAllWomen movement, and here is why. Coming from a woman who is not a feminist, a "man hater," an "oppressed minority." Just a small-town girl living in a big city, trying to find her way in the world.

#YesAllWomen because...

I'm afraid to walk outside alone at night.

I am constantly patronized by men. Whether about my strength, intelligence, or abilities.

I am not "asking for it," when I wear a sundress, shorts, or a low-cut top.

By asking people to not use "rape" out of context, I am constantly told that I take things too seriously. 

My drink being drugged is a legitimate concern.
And not just by setting it down, horror stories have me afraid of even the bartender.

I don't take the stairs in parking garages when I am alone.

Society has made it an acceptable saying that "No means yes."

"No" should be the end of discussion, not the beginning.

I can't mention wanting to travel abroad without being reminded that I'm "a pretty, young blonde American." so I shouldn't, because that is dangerous. 

I was taught how to hold my keys when walking alone.

The number of Facebook posts I am shared about how to protect myself in the city.

I have been told women are meant to be seen, and not heard.
And that their place is in the kitchen, not the court room.

Of the stares I get as a female, walking into the free weight section of the gym.

I am judged for crossing the street to avoid a stranger, because he "isn't like that."

Even Satan needs consent to enter someone's body. 

Going on a date with someone doesn't mean I owe them anything. That's called prostitution.

A girl in my college town was sexually assaulted and videotaped, then given a gag order so she did not "ruin her attackers lives."

Women around the world are being killed, assaulted, mistreated every single day simply because they are women.

Of the double-standard between men and women when it comes to sex.
She is a harlot and he is praised.

"Blurred Lines" is as popular as it is.

Men feel no qualms about being homophobic and bigoted toward homosexuals, when they are simply feeling how women feel every single day.

1 in 4 women will be the victim of domestic violence in their lifetime.

I should be able to go out in public without the fear of being groped on the subway.

I completely agree that "Not all men are like that."
But too many of these things have happened to me to not feel that there are enough.

This is happening everyday. Everywhere. It is happening to your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your girlfriends, your friends. It is happening to people you know, people you love, people you care about.



So, guys, just take a minute to think about that before you spout off about "feminism" and why #YesAllWomen is a crock. Think of us when you're feeling homophobic. Think of us when you make a joke about "dropping the soap." Think of us when you give us a hard time about walking us to the car, about being a stickler for watching you pour our drinks, when we cuss you out for catcalling us in a gas station parking lot.

For you it's a joke. For us? It could be a matter of life and death.


"Not ALL men harass women. But ALL women have, at some point, been harassed by men. Food for thought." - Adelaide Kane

Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year?

Three and a half weeks. 25 days to be exact.

I still haven't wrapped my mind around the fact that that is all the longer that stands between me and summer vacation, the start of my junior year, the end of my sophomore year. Part of me looks back over the last eight months and it feels like forever ago I started my first day of classes as a veteran. Another, bigger, part of me finds it hard to believe that my life has changed so much in such a short time.

"There are years that ask questions, and years that answer." - Zora Neale Hurston

I happened upon this quote recently, and it genuinely struck a chord with me. Coming into college as a freshman, people told me time and time again that your sophomore is the worst year. It seems to be a common theme, I mean Fall Out Boy even wrote a song about it. "Sophomore slump, or comeback of the year?" is the unspoken question posed to myself, and my peers, by life.

Life asked me this question over and over again this year. At some points I felt like I had the answer, whichever end of the spectrum it may have been. Most of the time though, I was floundering, struggling just to keep my head above water. I didn't have time to think let alone ponder how my life was going. Now that I have time to sit back and look at all that has happened, put the whirlwind on replay in slow motion, I think I have my answer.

School always sucks. There are no if's, and's, or but's about it. Homework is time consuming, studying makes us want to stab our eyes out, and many a breakdown has been had over the terror of checking an exam grade on Blackboard. With that being said, this year has been the least painful of all academically for me. I've finally found a major and subject matter I love in Political Science, and feel like I'm finally heading in the right direction.

I have made some of the greatest friends a girl could ever ask for, and in some of the most unlikely of places. I got two of the greatest littles in all of the land, and had the privilege of being a mentor to our new fall pledge class. I moved back in with my original college roommate, and have been blessed with a house full of exciting moments and loving arms when I need a shoulder to cry on. With that being said, I've grown apart from friends I swore I would always be close to. I'll be the first to admit that I've had a rough patch or two with my sorority. At the end of the day (year) though, I've never been more proud to wear Kappa Delta letters, or to have the people in my life that I do - whether they came as a lesson or a blessing.

Love in a college town is like none other, and this year was no exception for me. I was blessed to have two men come into my life over the past year, each bringing a lesson I needed to learn - ready or not. I've been both the heartbreaker and heartbroken, and it changed me more than I ever expected. I learned what it is to open your heart to someone, and how hard it is to break theirs because you know that you aren't what they need. I was shown what I thought was true love, then felt the pain of having it ripped away from me through a series of distasteful lies. I was broken in the exact way I needed to find myself, and for that I am could not be more thankful.

I started this blog back in August just for my own sanity, and have been amazed to watch it grow. The feeling I get when people tell me that they love hearing what I have to say is indescribable, and I feel so lucky to have the chance to change even just my own small corner of the world.

I have come so far mentally, spiritually, and more than anything - emotionally. I've finally accepted that when one door opens, there is another opening somewhere out there. I've come to realize good things don't come to those who wait, they are found by those who work for them. I wake up in the morning thankful for the sunshine coming through my window, thankful for the chance to stand and fight for another day. So, as I sit here and think about my sophomore year, I think I have my answer...

What started out to be a sophomore slump has turned into the comeback of the year.

To The Girl With The Broken Heart

Dear Girl With The Broken Heart,

Please let me start off by apologizing for how fragile I am. Almost twenty years in the making, and you'd think I'd have this whole routine down by now. But please, give me some credit. You and me? We've been through some tough times through the years, although I think maybe this one takes the cake.

I'll give you some credit, even though you've been holding that out on me. You did a good job protecting yourself this time. You took your time, tested the waters, made sure that you truly believed that this could be for the long haul. Please understand that it's not your fault. Nothing you could have done ever would have changed the course of fate. What is past is past - no matter how fresh in your mind - and it is time to pour yourself a drink, put on some red lipstick, and pull yourself together.

Look at your future. All of your life, everyone has worshipped your potential. Are you truly willing to throw it away over some human who happens to have a Y-chromosome? Let me tell you the correct answer, darling. No. You aren't.

Lady Gaga is pretty eccentric and overrated, but she's got one thing right... "Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn't love you anymore."

Look around you, my love. Look at what the world has to offer. Don't see through the friendships, the support system, the amazing people that you already have in your life. Don't forget about the incredible adventures and journeys life has to offer, don't ignore the untapped potential that everyone can see... Except you. Stop looking in the mirror and feeling sorry for yourself, and look around you.

I am so sorry that he hurt you, and I couldn't be sorrier that he tore me apart. But this is where you start to pick up the pieces. This is where you remind yourself that you are strong, you are kind, you are important, and you are worth a fight. And remember, even when I'm broken, I'm beside you every step of the way.

Love,
Your Heart

A Modern-Day Fairytale

"Certain as the sun, rising in the east. Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme."

Little girls grow up dreaming of their Prince Charming.. Or Prince Eric, or Aladdin, or Prince Phillip, or heck maybe even their own Beast. It doesn't stop with little girls though, it is a dream that is with us even as we enter middle and high school, when we graduate, go off to college.

In this day and age it is easy to hold the classical standards of a "fairytale romance" in a world where that honestly isn't feasible anymore. With the technology we have nowadays, it would be likely that Prince Charming would post on Facebook rather than searching the kingdom, and that someone would have used Find My Friends to find Belle and save her from Beast. Now, with that being said - that doesn't mean you have to take the Taylor Swift outlook on love and relationships (she's a little bit too jaded and melancholy for a beautiful woman her age, if you ask me).

T-Swifty tells us, "When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”

I'm calling bullshit on this one, y'all. Just because the modern-day fairytale isn't the storybook fable of a knight in shining armor riding in on a noble white steed sweeping you off your feet, it does not mean that the Prince Charming is any less easy to spot. It doesn't mean that the fairytale to be told is any less romantic, or necessary, or important, or fulfilling.

I am by no means a feminist. But that doesn't mean I believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen, or anything sexist like that. I don't believe that a woman needs a man to save her, to take care of her, provide for her. And that, right there, is the beauty of the modern fairytale.

A woman doesn't need a man to do any of these things for her, but she has the choice to let him. And she has the prerogative to be okay with it. 

The modern Prince doesn't come riding in on a white horse or rescue you from your ivory tower - he drives a gunmetal gray Honda Civic and carries you to bed when you fall asleep on the couch.

The modern Prince doesn't have to search across the entire kingdom to bring you back your shoe - he will search across the entire kingdom to find the perfect bottle of champagne to ring in New Years with you.

The modern Prince won't indulge your every need and be at your every beck and call to save you from yourself - he won't be afraid to tell you no when you need to hear it, but will never let the outside world bring you down while you find yourself.

The modern Prince won't lock you away from the world to keep you to himself - he will encourage you to see the world, meet new people, and live your lives both together and apart because he values your independence as much as you do.

The modern Prince will tease you, tickle you, maybe he'll even yell at you or make you cry. He will question and help strengthen your beliefs, he will build you up, he will teach you lessons you didn't know you needed to learn.

Maybe the modern day Prince isn't the man you imagined as a little girl. Maybe he didn't have to fight down a thorn bush forest, or rescue you from your ivory tower or evil stepmother and stepsisters, or give you true love's kiss to save you from your eternal sleep. But isn't that the point? The traditional fairytale is about magical and imaginary beings and lands. Key words here: magical and imaginary.

The modern-day fairytale is a reality, but one many of us lacking Y-chromosomes are so quick to ignore. My question is, "Why?" Why turn away the possibility of being treated like a princess by a not-so-conventional Prince Charming in favor of a completely conventional Beast?

Don't be afraid to let someone in, you never know what is hiding behind the suit of armor.

Six months later

Six months ago, I sat down and began to type. Six months ago, I was beginning my sophomore year of college. Six months ago, I thought I knew exactly what I was doing with my life, what my plan was, who I was.

Somewhere along the line, I realized maybe I wasn't quite so sure.

Avicii has a popular song, many would argue that it is popular to the point of disintegration, but no matter your views, this song has lyrics that struck me right to the core. One line in particular especially hit home to me, "All this time I was finding myself, and I didn't know I was lost."

Six months ago, I took a risk. Six months ago, I started this blog. Six months ago, I opened myself up and finally decided to share my love of writing with the world.

These last six months have been a whirlwind... To say the least.

Since August, I've realized the truth in the philosophy of "If you can't change the people around you, change the people around you." I was in a car accident that I was lucky to walk away from. I started learning a second language. I met one of the most incredible, life-changing people that I could have ever imagined. I changed my mind of what I want to do with my life (albeit a small change). I stood up for myself. I had my first knee injury and my first concussion. I broke the heart of someone I cared deeply about, if only to save my own. I've worked to become healthier, more patient, more well-rounded, more open-minded. I've questioned the very foundations of my thinking, and I've created a relationship with God more solid than ever.

Six months ago, I thought I had it all figured out. Six months ago, I was a different person than the woman I am today. Six months ago, I didn't think it could get any better than it was.

I was wrong.

Sharing my writing has changed me as a person, and I have you to thank. If you're reading this - thank you. All I have ever wanted was to leave my mark on this world, to maybe change someone's life. I never needed it to be a big mark, just enough to be remembered by. So many people have come to me to tell me how much they love my blog, that I inspire them, to keep doing what I love. So many times when I'm told things like this, I admit, I teared up and maybe let go of a few tears.

Six months ago, I was looking for direction - even if I didn't know it at the time. Six months ago, I wrote just for me because it was something I love to do. Six months ago, I never imagined where sharing my writing would take me.

Brandon Heath sings a song I've always loved, and the chorus goes like this... "I wish you could see me now. I wish I could show you how. I'm not who I was."

I'm not who I was six months ago, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. For the first time in my life, I'm not completely sure where life is going to take me - and strangely enough? I'm completely okay with that. I have a new appreciation for the little things, for quiet moments, for new experiences. I want to travel the world, and I say "yes" now to trying anything (within reason) once. I'm in a healthy relationship for the first time, and even crazier is that he is 500 miles away. I am more grateful than ever for my independence, but I also have finally accepted that sometimes it's okay to ask for a helping hand.

Six months ago, I never could have guessed that I would be where I am today. And I can only hope to say the same six months from now.

Hemingway's Whiskey

"Hemingway's whiskey, warm and smooth and mean. 

Even when it burns, it'll always finish clean. 

He didn't like it watered down, he took it straight up and neat.

If it's bad enough for him, you know it's bad enough for me."

- Hemingway's Whiskey by Kenny Chesney

For those of you who may not be a classical literature junkie like I am, Hemingway was known for his whiskey-guzzling tendencies. He even once said, "Write drunk, edit sober." It's a strange concept to me, drinking for inspiration. "A good muse is hard to find," though I guess, right? Some people find their way through nature, others through music and action. For me? My whiskey is people.

As hard as it has been for me to admit, I love people, and I love hearing their stories. I fall in love with people every day. Yes - I fall in love with strangers every single day. Think I'm crazy yet? I'm a people watcher, that much is for certain. Sometimes I find myself sitting in a room full of people and making up stories for people I don't know. I imagine what they are talking about, what their family is like, what their dreams and hopes and aspirations are. I find myself wondering about their first love, how badly it broke their heart, and what they did to get through it. Do they have a passport? Where has it been stamped? What book are they currently immersed in, do they become a part of the story the same way I do? "There is no friend as loyal as a book." Are they deeply rooted to their hometown, or do they feel most at home fulfilling their wanderlust?

I don't just see people, I see their stories. I see an opportunity to make myself a bigger, better, more well-rounded person for knowing them. "I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen." I'm the type of person that hates knowing there are corners of this Earth I haven't yet seen, that there are people I still have yet to meet.

Don't get me wrong. There are people I have experienced that I could do without. People who have broken my heart over and over, but that I continued to go back to - an addiction, Hemingway's whiskey. "Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start, and you have to be especially hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it - don't cheat with it." There are people in my life that I have let go, the ones who got away. There are people who I have taken for granted, prematurely cast judgement upon, let my eyes be opened by. I always try to convince myself that I am my own person, but just as much as Hemingway will forever be defined by his whiskey, I will always carry around pieces of all of the people I meet.

I hate to love people, in a way similar to that which I imagine Hemingway hated to love his whiskey. I don't enjoy watered down people. I love people who, while they might burn a little on the way down, teach me valuable lessons. I may never leave a legacy quite as strong as his, but it won't stop me from trying. Live hard, die hard - this one's for him.

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."

- Ernest Hemingway

"Popular" Culture?

I've been told time and time again that I was born an old soul, and I have no doubt in my mind that there is much validity in that statement. I'd rather read F. Scott Fitzgerald than Cosmo, and I spend more money at J.Crew than Forever 21. I keep a journal and prefer handwritten letters, I am in a relationship that is based on more than boozy weekends and Instagram posts. Maybe this is why I am in such complete opposition with what society considers "pop culture".

I don't keep up with the Kardashians. I don't care about what drugs Justin Bieber is doing this week. I couldn't care less about what new stunt Miley Cyrus has come up with to seek attention. None of those things concern me even a fraction of how much they seem to engulf people my age. Sometimes I look at my generation, and it all makes sense why we're Generation Y. Literally, why?! I've harped on this before, but this time my perspective is different.

After seemingly the longest semester of my college career (I understand why they call it a sophomore slump now), I came back after Christmas break ready to make the comeback of the year. I've been seeing things in a completely different light, and maybe even a little out of my element. Have I grown out of touch with the way things are these days? Have I become so focused on the rest of my life that I have forgotten the here and now? I like to think that I haven't. I still have more fun than I know what to do with, I say yes to opportunities, I'm truly living the dream. But I still find myself shaking my head at things I see... In person, on campus, on the weekends, on social media. Now, don't get me wrong - we all make questionable decisions sometimes. I mean.. It's college. In no way am I pointing fingers. But I can't help but wonder what is going through the mind of people my age when they do some of the things they do? 

College might be the best years of your life, but they are not the only four years of your life. Remember why you're here. We're here to make friendships, connections, learn (do we have to???), and prepare yourself for the rest of your life. We hear people constantly harping on us to be aware of what we post on social media, because our future employers are watching. It's so easy to blow it off because "out of sight, out of mind." But in all reality, there are more than just future employers watching. Your family is watching, your friends (and frenemies for that matter) are watching, God is watching. Do you want their impression of you to be a lush who wears provocative outfits and dances on tables every weekend? I mean, maybe you do. And if you're one of those people, you do you. 

Even more so than just the choices we make, we have to keep in mind that they are our choices. No one else's. This is what frustrates me more than anything about my generation. Why is it that we feel it is completely okay to blame others for our choices? No, it probably isn't your professor's fault you failed chemistry - it's probably because you chose to go out to a party on the night before your final instead of studying. No, it isn't the officer's fault for pulling you over and charging you with a DUI - it's your fault for putting the innocent lives of others in the path of danger. There are countless things that we do, big and small, that we try so hard to blame others for. Myself included. But this isn't where the road ends. 

This is just where the road begins. We all make mistakes. We all do things that we regret, and we wish we could take back. But, everything in life is either a blessing or a lesson. I propose that we take matters into our own hands, and start learning from our lessons. You don't have to Bono or Bill Gates to change the world. Change has always come from pissed off young people. Do yourself a favor, do the world around you a favor. Take charge in this life, and make a change for the better. You might just surprise yourself with what you can accomplish. Maybe you'll even change the face of what "popular" culture is. But if you don't? You'll still change your life. 

Weeds

When gardening, we are taught to "weed", or to remove the weeds that attempt to take over the beautiful flowers we try so hard to grow. Weeds take over the food and water supply of our real plants, block out sunlight if they get too big, and can even cut off the roots of the beautiful flowers - leaving them to wilt and die. 

It's a funny thing to consider in the dead of winter, weeding out a garden that is. But I've been giving a lot of thought to the theory behind weeding, and how it is necessary in more facets of our lives than just our gardens. For a long time, I have let the negativity of pernicious people take over my mind and heart. I let myself become so consumed with the opinions of these people, and the value that they place on me, that I forget who I have worked so hard to become. 

I know in my heart of hearts that I am living each day of my life to the fullest, because we only get one chance at this life. I make mistakes, I curse, I oversleep and miss class sometimes. I have hurt people who are close to me, and I have missed opportunities to tell people I loved just how much they meant to me. I'm a sinner, and I come from a long line of sinners like me.  

So, in 2014, it's time to do some weeding of my own. Weed out the people in my life who only serve to judge me and bring me down. Weed out the people who feel the need to belittle my dreams and ambitions, people who don't want me to succeed. Weed out the people who passive aggressively voice their negative opinions of me on social media, unfollow, unfriend, delete. 

The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it. People will always believe what they want to believe, and I believe that it is time to water my flowers - not my weeds. 

A rainy day, lost luggage, tangled Christmas lights

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

- Maya Angelou

You will meet someone who sees a rainy day as a waste and a reason to complain. This is the person you are disgusted by at the airport counter, yelling at berating the innocent girl standing behind the counter who clearly had nothing to do with his luggage being lost. He will throw a fit over tangled Christmas lights, and probably hate Christmas decorations in general because he is so quick to get his tinsel in a tangle. He is so inconceivably attractive because you feel that he can be a "project", someone you can fix. "He just needs someone to see the beauty inside, someone to make him see the good in the world around him instead of only the negative," you find yourself thinking. Stop. Stop thinking, stop right there. Collect yourself, take a deep breath, and run as fast as you can in the other direction. He can't love you the way you want him to, because he will never see the beauty in you. All he will ever see are the negatives, the flaws, the half-empty glass. This knowledge will not make it any easier to move on because chances are he will be chasing after you, tangled Christmas lights in hand, yelling about how it is all your fault you didn't put them back on the reel. And you know what? Maybe you didn't put them back on the reel. And that's okay. Do not let him belittle you, your dreams, your goals, your ambitions. Put some red lipstick and high heels on, walk right on out that door, and never look back. 

You will stumble across someone who could never have lost luggage, because he never travels. This is the one who sleeps away a rainy day because,  "What else am I going to do?" Tangled Christmas lights? Forget it. He'd have to put down the Xbox controller long enough. But he has so much "potential". I hate to have to be the bearer of bad news, but potential is bullshit if there is nothing to back it up. You will not inspire him to get off his butt and get it in gear. If his idea of a "romantic date" is some McDonalds and the new Call of Duty? Climb the stairs of his parents' basement, be sure to thank them for having you on the way out, and feel free to slam the door behind you on the way out. You want to be a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor, a real estate agent someday. Why let yourself be dragged down by someone who has no ambitions for life? You owe it to yourself to set your standards higher than that. You deserve someone who will be a mover and a shaker, at least enough to move and shake himself into some dress clothes and out of his parents' house. 

You'll be surprised by someone who can laugh over tangled Christmas lights, because it is an excuse to make a memory with you. He will understand that lost luggage is replaceable, but will have the foresight to pack his valuables in a carry-on. Rainy days though, those are his favorite. Who doesn't love kissing and dancing in the rain? Even if he is a freak who doesn't, he'll do it anyway - because he knows you love it. Maybe he doesn't have his life completely together, but let's be honest, who does? If he wants to be a better person for you, don't let him go. This one will have ambition, drive, a positive outlook on life, and if you're really lucky, a smile that can melt your heart when the corners even just begin to turn upwards. He will give you the greatest gifts you've ever received. No, I don't mean he will buy you a trip to the stars, diamond earrings, or an island in the sun. (But if he does, be sure to thank him, of course). He will give you his heart, his love - everything he has to offer. Just remember that because he can laugh off tangled Christmas lights, and deal with a new wardrobe, and even dance in the rain, it doesn't mean he's perfect. None of us are. 

You can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. You can try to fix the relationship full of toxicity with kind words and loving gestures. You can work your hardest to inspire the lazy bum (or scum-sucking pig from hell, in the words of my greatest mentor). You can spend every day of your life trying to do things for other people, to no avail. Whatever helps you sleep at night. But if it doesn't?

You can spend your days deciding how you would deal with a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas lights. Then, and only then, can you find someone who deals with them just the way you do. Someone who can give you the greatest gift of all - his heart. 

2014

New Year's Eve is one of the most magical times of the year, but I've never been sure which year New Year's belongs to. I suppose until the clock strikes twelve and the ball drops it is still the year we're all so ready to rid ourselves of - that would make sense anyway. When the "Happy New Years!" wishes start rolling in and our cell phones all stop working, that is what I consider property of the new year... What about you? 

There is just something about New Year's that deludes us into believing that this year things will be different, exciting, new, revolutionary. Whether you will be ringing in 2014 in the quiet of your own home, maybe even sleeping right through it, or spending it with thousands of other people in a place like New York City, Miami, New Orleans, or San Francisco - it's hard not to get swept up into the optimism that only comes with a new year.

Changing the calendar, training your brain to write the new year instead of the old (although, if you're anything like me this will realistically take six months to accomplish), and as always... Resolutions. A resolution is defined as "a firm decision to do or not to do something." Gosh, that sounds so much easier than it is to actually follow through with, doesn't it? I always find myself setting New Year's resolutions, and this year is no exception to that rule. With January 1st, 2014 just a mere four days way, I have found myself in a little bit of a predicament... Just what is it this year that I will firmly resolve to do or not do?

In 2013, I have done more soul searching than I probably have in the prior eighteen years from 1994-2012, and I couldn't be happier about the person I'm becoming. New years are seen as a new beginning, a time to start over, and for the first time I don't feel that I need to start over at the beginning. My resolutions have morphed and transformed over time, and gone are the days that they consisted simply of "Be nicer to people", "Work out more", or even "Stop eating junk food."

These days, I understand the importance of realistic resolutions. I am goal-oriented, and it works best for me to have flexible and dynamic goals and resolutions I know that I can work to attain, or I'll never even try. My suggestion for you is to find out just the kind of person you are, and find out what works for you. I mean, maybe you do have the willpower to just say "I'm going to the gym more," and go out and do just that. As you'll see through my resolutions for 2014, it's going to take some time to be able to say I kept my resolutions. Maybe I won't be able to fulfill all of them, but you can bet your last dollar I'm going to do my best.

1. Work to be an overall healthier person

Health, to me, takes many shapes. This resolution encompasses my desire to start working out more, cut soda out of my diet as much as possible, and even work toward better mental health. I word this particular resolution the way I do, because by having more facets to work toward, if I miss a day at the gym, or suck down a Diet Coke, I won't be tempted to give up on it. This one is pretty generic, but in the end, who doesn't want to be happy and healthy?

2. Let myself be overcome with the grace of southern charm

"Patience is a virtue." We've all heard it, but it's time for me to take it to heart. I've been working very hard the past few months to be more patient and understanding about things I can't change, but it will always be a work in progress with room for improvement. Part of this also involves working toward being less shallow. I always have, and always will, loathe being associated with that word - but, I'm a female and I'm honest. We've ALL been shallow, whether you care to admit it or not. I want to change my outlook, and see the beauty in everything, and everyone. 

3. Cut ties with my need for social media

I'm Generation-Y. Social media is our kryptonite. I'm tired of sitting at dinner with my friends, and not talking to any of them because we all (myself included, regrettably) are buried too deeply in our iPhones to acknowledge the presence of each other. On a trip with a group of my best friends, almost all of our phones died, and it was the strangest thing... We actually.. Enjoyed each others' company? Going deeper with this one, it kind of ties back into #1. Social media causes unnecessary stress and has been known to bring major blows to my self-image. I accept my flaws, but I also know that no one can make me feel inferior without my consent (Thanks, Eleanor), and it's time to stop consenting. 

4.  Keep a journal

I'm a writer, I'm a feeler, I'm a nostalgic. I won't hoodwink myself into truly believing I will write in it religiously, feverishly scribbling each and every aspect of my days each night by a glowing candle. As romantic as that sounds to my inner scribe - just no. I do, however, want to someday be able to look back at these years and remember the little things, the nights and the friends and the experiences that fall just below the horizon. 

5.  Be more honest with my feelings

This is a HUGE thing for me. For entirely too long, I was a pushover. For those of you who know me pretty well, you probably think this is the biggest joke I've ever told... It's not a joke, there's no punchline. For as feisty and headstrong as I am, I'm non-confrontational to the max. The past few months I have come around to this fact, and have become a little more assertive about my feelings. I've lost "friends" and other people close to me because they felt I changed, when really I was just standing up for myself. Whether it be family, friends, work, strangers, it's time for me to make my voice heard. I'm tired of what if, and I'm in need of some oh well, some at least I tried. 

There they are, my five resolutions for 2014. I encourage you to set some resolutions for yourself, ones that are worthwhile and meaningful to you - not anyone else. Don't just ask 2014 to be the best year yet, go out and make it the best for yourself. It will be worth it, I promise. 

Date A Girl Who Reads

Recently, there has been a major influx of reasons why you should "date a girl who..." - with the most popular being "Date A Girl Who Reads."

I've seen the Youtube video, read the Elite Daily article, and have been in love with the original blog post for months. My only question is... Since when is intellect considered a prize quality in the eyes of society? Did everyone finally open their eyes? We've been here all along, y'all. Girls have been reading, and wearing glasses, and enjoying worlds you could never begin to imagine for centuries - it's about time we finally get the credit we're due. 

Everyone else has their reasons why you should date a girl who reads, and I have mine.
A girl who reads can change your life, you just have to be willing to let her. 

A girl who reads will look for the best in everyone, especially in you. She will know that there is always a hidden side, a different perspective that you may not see from the pages of a book, but that you must read between the lines to find. She has fallen in love with "bad guys" and villains, and she knows that the hardest to love are the ones who need love the most. 

A girl who reads will challenge you. She more than likely has a feisty side and a vernacular to match. Her vocabulary is rich and fulfilled, and she is always looking for a new place to use her favorite words. The fact that "selfie" was voted the Word of the Year in 2013 disgusts her, because of the multitude of words slipping away from our language each and every day. She will argue with you, and you will be thrown for a loop because you will never know what is going to come out of her mouth next. 

A girl who reads is the strongest person you could ever imagine meeting. She has had her heart broken, and probably more times than you can begin to imagine. She has a heart that has been torn to pieces by the heartbreak, death, and misfortune of her favorite characters. She has been ridiculed and taunted for her love of the classics, for burying herself in Chaucer and Faulkner and Tolstoy. She has gone through hell beside Odysseus, fought in Dumbledore's Army, and been to the depths of Dante's Inferno - and lived to tell the tale. 

A girl who reads will love you with a passion you can never begin to describe. She has thrown books across the room in anger, and ran after them to be sure she did not ruin the binding. She has devoured stories spanning hundreds of pages in a matter of hours.  She has fallen in love with Mr. Darcy, learned magic with Hermione, and lived vicariously through Jay Gatsby. She has cried and yelled and held grudges at fictional characters whose names you would never even recognize. She still has copies of her favorite childhood stories, the words she teethed on, and anxiously awaits the day she can share them with children of her own. 

A girl who reads can show you worlds beyond your wildest imagination. She can take you to Aslan's Narnia, to Anna Karenina's Russia, to Thoreau's Walden Pond. She has dogeared pages and highlighted quotes that remind her of who she is, and where she belongs, for the times that the real world seems like a distant mystery. 

A girl who reads is a girl worth loving, a girl worth waiting for. A girl who reads is worth losing for a few hours, because of what she will have to offer when you get her back. A girl who reads has an asset beyond the physical, she has a lifelong appeal to offer. A girl who reads is full of confidence, courage, sincerity, and self respect. 

A girl who reads deserves someone who can bewitch her, body and soul. She deserves a man who is willing to share the worlds she explores with her, someone who will hold her when she cries over "To Kill A Mockingbird," who will let her yell and scream at Snape. A girl who reads needs someone to love her who realizes that he will never be her whole world, because she is in love with so many different worlds. She needs, and deserves, someone who understands this - and loves her all the more for it. 

"Why don't you tell me that 'If the girl had been worth having, she'd have waited for you?' No, sir, the girl really worth having won't wait for anybody."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

If I Could Write A Letter To Me

I'm a huge country music fan, and if you know me even the slightest, the fact that I even had to say that probably made you shake your head and laugh a little under your breath. I'm the girl who knows every word to almost any country song you throw my way - from Hank Williams to Eric Church, Patsy Cline to Miranda Lambert. There's one song that, while I used to get annoyed as hell when it first came out, resonates a little closer to home now - "Letter To Me" by Brad Paisley. Cliché as they come, I know. But when you think about it, there's a few songs kind of along the same lines.. "The House That Built Me" by my idol Miranda Lambert, "Young" by Kenny Chesney, the list goes on. We all seem to be able to agree on one thing, if nothing else - we all wish we knew then what we knew now (except maybe Garth Brooks looking back on "The Dance").

I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting recently, and realized that there is a song that maybe fits my life more than I ever realized.. You can find it here if you're interested. Which you should, because it is a damn good song. Anyway, it has always been so hard for me to accept that hindsight is 20/20 because I am such a perfectionist, and I hate to be wrong. Which is why "Letter To Me" hits so close to home - if I only knew then what I know now. It got me thinking... I'm only 19 now, so it sounds like 17 was just yesterday. But looking back across the years, I realize I've done more growing in the past two short years than I did in most of my first 17. There are so many things I would tell myself at seventeen, and I sat down to put them into words.


Dear Dallas, 

Seventeen. Senior year. I know right now you feel like you're on top of the world, but at the same time you feel like you're lost with no direction or idea how your life is going to end up. And do you want to know something? That's okay. If I've learned one thing in these past two years, it's that that feeling doesn't exactly go away. It changes, it transforms, it will ebb and it will grow, but it never truly goes away. Live for that feeling. Live for the moments that you can truly let go and just enjoy every second. 

You're a perfectionist. We both know that. But if I can give you one piece of advice, it would be to accept that you can't control every situation - but you can control how you react and how you let it affect you. I recently received one of the greatest compliments I think I ever have; when I was in your shoes it was something I never would have expected to be told, or deserved for that matter. A lady at the courthouse was yelling at me, and after the fact, one of her coworkers praised me and told me that I "stay so sweet under pressure." Anyone who knows you would die of laughter at the thought of someone telling me that, but I swear it's true. I've been working so hard to control my emotions, and a lot of it comes from things I experienced at your age. 

High school hasn't been easy for you. Yeah, I know, it's not easy for anyone and maybe I'm a bit biased, but it really hasn't been a walk in the park for you. You've put up with catty insecure girls, narcissistic boys, and devilish teachers. You've had your heart broken, your dreams crushed, and even some days felt like there was no one in the world who cared. But more than that, you've learned how to put the pieces back together, put a smile on your face, and keep pushing through. That perseverance will take you so far in life, even though I know you're tired of hearing that right now. Just trust me on this one, little darling. Your strength and courage will inspire people that you never imagined, and just knowing that will one day make it worth every second. 

All those trials and tribulations have made you really eager to leave home. Actually... I'm not sure eager is the right word, since you basically had a countdown to college move-in beginning the first day of senior year. You feel like you'll never miss high school, never miss home, never miss a single person you went to high school with. But, some day you will realize that you were luckier than you ever realized. For every person who made your life a living hell, there was one waiting to pick you up when you fell. You will learn to love every single moment of growing up in Small Town, USA, and all the lessons that it taught you that you will carry with you (maybe even share with those citified folk). You'll miss moments of high school. You'll miss bus rides, late night laughs and McDonald's runs, and your senior prom most of all. Senior prom will be one of the best nights of your life, I still haven't had a night to quite make me feel so alive. But have no fear, those people won't let you burn the bridges, and they'll meet you in the middle. Keep them around, you need them more than you know. 

There are some other amazing people in your life that you need to keep around. But, these people are a little bit harder, because they can't physically be with you anymore. Please just promise me that you will never forget that they are with you, every single step of the road. Every peak, every valley, they're right there with you. Hold onto their memories. Hold onto the lessons they taught you. Hold onto the sunshine that they brought into your life, and never let it go. 

People are going to try and stomp on your dreams. Laugh in their faces. No, seriously, laugh in their faces and tell them "watch me." Because you have so much potential and the chance to do amazing things. Don't let them put a doubt in your mind, let it fuel you to work that much harder. There is no satisfaction like proving someone wrong about what you can do. 

Things are going to change soon, as they always do. Embrace these changes, and let them shape you. But please don't lose sight of who you are, and if you do? Be brave enough to walk through the darkness to find that light and sparkle again. You'll never be walking alone. Plus, you're one of the strongest people I have ever met, you're a real badass. Don't be afraid to laugh too loudly, or love too quickly. Those words don't even make any sense, because there is no such thing. 

As much as I wish you knew all of these things, I know the importance of you learning it on your own time. You'll learn these lessons well, and you'll make me proud. I have all the faith in the world in you. I'll be seeing you soon (aka the blink of an eye), but until then..

xoxo

I Am Old Glory

I was blessed to grow up in a school where Veteran's Day was one of the most solemn days of the year. We were excused from classes for a mandatory assembly, that many people considered a free pass. A few hours to goof off, hang out with our friends, and be free from schoolwork for awhile. While some continued to hold that mindset when "Taps" was played and the flags were presented, many were drawn in by the pomp and circumstance, and were reminded of just what this day is all about - why we were gathered together, with our teachers, classmates, and revered members of both our Armed Forces and our community. One of my favorite parts of our ceremony was the candle lighting, where a candle was lit for each branch of this nation's military. I was lucky enough to be a part of the candle lighting for three years, representing the United States Air Force, Marines, and Army, respectively. 

While the assembly did not take long to bring me to tears, it took others a little longer. The one thing that could usually be counted on to silence the room and make us all shed a few tears was the reading of a poem. A poem that, whether you have known a veteran or not, you could relate to on a very personal level. A poem that reminds us of the answer to the question we sometimes find ourselves asking, "Do these soldiers even know what they're fighting for?" 

The answer is yes. Yes, they do. 
They are fighting for me, for you, and for the namesake of this poem - Old Glory. 



"I Am Old Glory"

I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is "Old Glory".
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.

I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am arrogant.
I am proud.

When I am flown with my fellow banners,
My head is a little higher,
My colors a little truer.

I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped -- I am saluted.
I am loved -- I am revered.
I am respected -- and I am feared.

I have fought in every battle of every war
for more then 200 years.
I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg,
Shiloh and Appomattox.
I was there at San Juan Hill,
the trenches of France,
in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome
and the beaches of Normandy, Guam,
Okinawa, Korea, and Vietnam.
I was there. I led my troops.
I was dirty, battle-weary and tired,
but my soldiers cheered me
And I was proud.

I have been burned, torn and trampled
on the streets of countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt, for I am invincible.

I have been soiled upon, burned, torn
and trampled on the streets of my country.
And when it's by those whom I've served in battle -- it hurts.
But I shall overcome -- for I am strong.

I have slipped the bonds of Earth
and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space
from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness
to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.

When I am torn into strips
and used as bandages
for my wounded comrades on the battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier,
Or when I lie in the trembling arms
of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen son or daughter,
I am proud.

My name is "Old Glory," long may I wave. 



Today we remember, we thank, we pray, and we love. 
God bless. 

1 in 7.04 Billion

There are those old friends, we all have them, that we can't imagine our lives without. The ones who know us better than we know ourselves, even though most days we have a hard time admitting it. (Or, to be honest, if you're anything like me? That's every day. Even when they prove us wrong yet again. I'm always right... Right?)

The truth is that these people know us so well because they've made us who we are. Yeah, I went there. I said it. We all have ourselves fooled into believing that the choices we make and the things we do are the sole things that define us. I all too often fall into this camp of thought myself, guilty as charged. But when I stop to think - really think - about it all,  I know that this isn't the case. Not even the slightest. Sure, the things we do define us. I mean, you decide whether you want to go to college, how you dress, the "extracurriculars" that you find yourself involved with. When it comes down to the nitty gritty about who we are though, these aren't the things that really truly make us who we are. I like to believe that Chuck Palahniuk hit the nail on the head when he said, "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."

I know that I, for one, am made up of the people I hold close, the people I love, and the people I have loved. I have my father's tongue and temper, my mother's intuition, my grandfather's love for fresh air and country roads. I got my sense of humor from my childhood best friend, and my nasty right hook from a boy I dated in high school. My knack for wrestling and sassy sense of confidence came along from my older, bigger, and all boy cousins, which landed me a broken nose from a football game and a boy who turned out to be one of my very best friends. My gracefulness comes from 15 years of dance class, and the four wonderful instructors who taught me more than just dance.

Today, I was having a heart-to-heart with one of these "parts of me." An old friend, someone who truly does know me better than I know myself. We've been the best of friends, we've wanted to claw each others eyes out, but through it all we've been there for each other. He was there when my boyfriend of almost two and a half years broke my heart, when I got my first acceptance letter to college, and every time I need a shoulder to cry on. We don't see each other nearly as much as we used to, but he always knows just what I need to hear - whether it's what I want to hear or not. Today I was having a rough morning, and was just really down on myself for no real reason. I'm sick and tired of my crutches, of feeling like I can't do everything that I want to do because I'm temporarily disabled. I found myself saying to him,

"I'm nothing special.. No, not really. I'm a stereotypical blonde sorority girl who can't seem to get rid of her small town ways, no matter how hard she tries, and maybe wants to go to law school someday. There's millions of girls just like me."

He was quick to remind me of all of the things that set me apart. My sense of humor, my compassion, my genuine love for life. It's nice to be reminded every once in a while that we are special, that everything we do isn't all for nothing. That it's not just the new and current people in our lives who are proud of the people we are and are becoming, but the old ones, the tried and true, are as well. I am so incredibly blessed and gracious to have people like that in my life, the ones always ready and willing to pick me up when I stumble and fall.

The people who remind me that maybe I'm not the skinniest girl in the room, but I can throw hay bales off a trailer, give my friends piggy back rides, and hold the weight of the world on my shoulders.  The people who make me believe in myself, even when my confidence is wavering and the rain is pouring down. The people who made me into who I am, and continue to shape me each and every single day.

The people who remind me that, while it may seem like I am just another blonde sorority girl from a small-town, that I'm one of a kind. That I am unique, and that I should appreciate and flaunt it. The people who remind me that I am loved, and oh so deeply. That no matter what happens, tomorrow is always a new day, there is always a new place to see and new people to meet..

The people who make me believe that I may be one in 7.04 billion - but I am one.

Dear Generation-Y

My dearest Generation-Y,

I want to start out by telling you how incredibly proud I am to be one of you. To call myself a Generation-Y baby is the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me. Baby-Boomers? Who is that? We're here now, and we've taken over. I admit, maybe we aren't always in the limelight for "positive" reasons according to our parents' and their peers, but who cares? There are plenty of reasons why our generation is the best thing to ever walk the streets of this great nation, maybe even the world.

First of all, we recognize the importance of recognition. We fight for what we (think) we deserve. Your high school football team loses 91-0 to a three-time Class 4A champion that is ranked #1 in a statewide AP Poll - what do you do? You get your dad to file a bullying report against their head coach. Four for you, Fort Worth Western Hills. That'll show them not to mess with you. Anyway, we deserve to get a participation ribbon, free healthcare, and whatever else we can manage to get our hands on. Maybe a couple hundred thousand dollars because someone rear-ended me while driving, because hey - he should have been paying closer attention.

We understand the concept of, "Why work for something, when you can have it handed to you?" That one's pretty self-explanatory kiddos. We just seem to be the first generation smart enough to figure it out.

You all knew this one was coming... WE LOVE TO HAVE FUN! We know how to have a good time. And we are pros at sharing it all over social media. We tweet things like, "Wow, last night was so much fun.. Too bad I don't remember any of it LOL" and post pictures to Facebook and Instagram of ourselves, red solo cups in hand and plenty of skin showing to go around. Grades? Who cares about those? C's get degrees! Plus, who cares if we show off that we have fun? Clearly our future bosses are going to love that we will bring sunshine to our companies. And anyway, it's about who you know, not what you know anymore. Duuuuuuuh. Oh, and bring me another drink. #whitegirlwasted

Politics don't matter to most of us. Our vote doesn't count anyway. But, you can bet that if we are politically involved, we only get our news from one station because we just know that they have the most correct information. That's what my parents told me anyway, and I agree with everything they have to say because I just don't care enough to find out for myself otherwise.

In conclusion, it is in all of our best interests to party as much as possible in college, maybe even get a few citations. Remember that grades aren't the best measure of your intelligence. We're just kids, anyway - it's like, in our nature to rebel. And tYp3 lYk dis if we want 2. We'll grow up and be successful someday, I mean our parents have been telling us since we were old enough to listen that "You can do anything you put your mind to!" So obviously, getting a boob job (maybe a nose job...), a fake tan, and a sugar daddy will put you on the right track to being famous and landing on a series of Real Housewives.

You keep making me proud, Generation-Y'ers. You do you. Here's to hoping things go exactly as we plan, because what would we do otherwise? It's all we know.

Cheers.

Lessons Learned

"Everything in life comes as a blessing or a lesson. Sometimes both, but never neither."

It's been said that experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted. Now, I don't know how much I believe that statement, because some of the greatest experiences of my life have come from getting things I thought that I wanted. I've been high and I've been low, and I've learned incredibly important lessons from both. Two years ago, I was challenged to pen a list of some of the things I've learned, and I hope maybe I can shed some insight for you too.

I plan to add to and expand this list, so for now, just consider it a work in progress.

Lessons Learned

• Get a good night's sleep
• Set (multiple) alarm(s)
• Always leave home looking like you're going to see an ex or your worst enemy
• Get involved on campus and in the community
• Make sure there is always a camera around 
• Take matters into your own hands
• Organization, organization, organization
• Don't trust most people farther than you can throw them
• Attend sporting events
• And tailgates, and dances, and other social events
• Some of the most eloquent papers stem from procrastination
• Some of the worst papers stem from procrastination
• Your guidance department won't be the best guidance you receive
• Keep smiling
• You never know who is watching
• If you run into a tree - twice - Ultimate Frisbee probably isn't for you
• Teachers have more than just school subjects to teach you, listen to them
• Just because something is challenging, don't run away from it. Practice until you get it right
• Skip school every now and then
• Don't take the easy way out
• There's more to life than dating an athlete (or a frat star)
• No one remembers the nights when they got a full night of sleep
• Grade's aren't everything
• Don't let other people define who you are
• The goal should be to laugh as much as you breathe
• Turn your wounds into wisdom.
• Make friends everywhere you go, they could turn into the greatest people in your life
• You don't have to have everything figured out
• Don't put lava lamps on the stove
• Walmart at 3 AM is the most entertainment you can find in a small town
• McDonald's at that time is usually sketchy as all get out
• Hit the deer, the insurance won't pay if you swerve
• It's okay to get up and dress nicely in the morning for school. I promise.
• You'll find a time when you stop being embarrassed by just about everything
• Try your hardest to see the big picture 
• Driving fast is fun, but driving safely is better
• Relationships don't always last forever
• Your last name won't get you things in the real world
• High school is a time to be endured
• You might actually remember the fundamental theory of calculus
• Skype dates are a truly wonderful thing
• Lunch table conversations are one of the most honest things you'll ever hear
• Just laugh it off
• If you don't have fun, who will?
• Rainy days are the greatest for a pick-up football game
• Find a passion
• Act like a little kid - it's the best
• Having ambitions won't make you the most popular kid in high school
• Be nice to everyone, that's what they'll remember the most
• Don't sweat the small stuff... Too much
• Keep a journal
• Be a volunteer
• Driving around in your car or sitting near a body of water are great stress relievers
• Teachers hear everything
• Appreciate the little moments
• You don't have to be artistic, a little color goes a long way
• If something goes wrong, theres a good chance you're not the first one it has happened to
• Pay attention to road signs
• DUI checkpoints are terrifying even if you are driving sober
• Thank the members of our Armed Forces
• Music and quotes can express your feelings, even if you can't
• You don't have to be Bono or Bill Gates to change the world
• Go into new experiences with an open mind
• Never judge a book by its cover, in any situation
• SMILESMILESMILE
• Act like you're confident, even if you have no idea what you're doing
• Half-assing an activity because you're afraid looks so much worse than trying and failing
• Always keep a blanket, a pair of shoes, and jumper cables in your car
• Thank your parents for all they have done for you
• Stand up for yourself
• Identify your weaknesses
• When it rains, it pours - but it can't rain forever
• Some arguments just aren't worth the effort
• If your guy friends don't approve of a guy, they're probably onto something
• Don't let someone else ruin your friendships because you're in a relationship with them
• Life goes on
• Don't test a stapler on your finger. Or a pencil sharpener
• Believe it or not, there is a limit on the number of people you can fit ina revolving door
• Being punctual isn't a sin
• Being fashionably late every now and then isn't either
• A good scientist never has set expectations of results
• Take life one day at a time
• No one is perfect
• If at first you don't succeed, try again. And again. And again, until you get it right
• Think outside the box
• If it's cloudy, put your car windows up just in case
• Learn how to drive a manual transmission

The most important lesson that I've learned so far?

Just when you think you've got it all figured out - you learn something new. 

"Proud"

Remember the days you told yourself that you would never grow old?
Well, here you are - but would you really change a thing?
You may not feel that you are quiet as good as you once were,
Your senses might fail you, but please promise that you won't forget me
As I am right now at the young nineteen.

Looking back across the years may feel nostalgic and cliché,
But my biggest, burning question is, do you like what you see?
"A life of oh well's," that's what you wanted most -
And I pray the years that have passed you by
Have been enough to leave you satisfied.

From your first day of school to your first real date,
Don't let go of your innocence and blissful naivety.
The way you danced around your room getting ready,
Or your infamous response -
"I'll be just a minute!" When everyone know how it was time you lost.

Now that you're all grown up, I hope you haven't forgotten
The struggles and strife that boys gave you through the years
While you waited for your very own Prince Charming.
Everyone told you it was because you were too pretty - and that may be,
But never forget the days you said, "Daddy is the only man I need."

I'm writing from a lifetime ago, or so it well may seem,
But please don't let the years between us fool you.
You may not feel that you are quite as good as you once were,
Just know that through all that has happened and still is yet to be,
All I hope is that you are proud of me.

You get what you give

I was raised in a home where I was taught that I should do things for others without expecting anything in return. Growing up, I was constantly reminded that I would have to work for the things that I wanted in life because they wouldn't be handed to me - and if they were, it wouldn't teach me anything. I learned very early on that the greatest lesson in life was the importance of working for what you get. 


As the years have passed, I've found myself thankful of that lesson on more than one occasion. When I worked hard on homework in high school while my classmates slacked off and played shenanigans - and I didn't get one rejection letter when it came to applying for college. All the times I dragged myself to work at 5:30 am on a weekend while all my other friends were sleeping off the night before, and this semester working 18 hours a week while taking 18 hours of classes - and I've yet to have the "broke college kid nightmare" of having $3.67 in my bank account.

This great lesson that I've learned through my years hasn't been an easy one by any means, but it has aided me far beyond any material "things" that I have gained. It has helped to shape me into the woman I am - emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. I've seen the strength of a sturdy heart when the time came to listen to my parents and finally break up with that boy (and he was just that, a boy), when all he brought to my life was toxicity and friction between myself and the people I love. I've witnessed the unstoppable force of a spirit that has been beaten down by catty girls for years and years when the straw finally broke the camel's back. I saw that same unstoppable force when I heard myself yelling not only at those girls, but at my high school's principal, superintendent, parents, classmates - anyone who would listen to me. I was done being quiet, I wasn't holding back any longer.


When I talk about all the things that I have done and accomplished in my short nineteen years in this world, I tend to leave things out and minimize my worth. "Why?" you may wonder. I wish I knew how to answer that, but I suppose that I will have to leave it at "I try my hardest to be humble." I pray a lot, and I have been growing stronger in my faith. I hate to look back and know that at one point I let it waver, but I know that my life and path are always in God's hands. I mean, the Bible even says it right there in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”


Why then, do I sometimes feel like I do things to no avail? Why do I feel like I work so hard to open doors for myself, make life easier for others, and ultimately make a difference in the world - only to receive nothing in return? I find myself whining, "But I thought if I worked hard, I would gain in return!" 


If I'm being completely honest, which I aim to be, I had one of these nights last night. I was already struggling with my sorority not winning any awards at Phi Kappa Tau's philanthropy step show, even after all the hard work, blood (literally), sweat, and tears we had put into putting together a routine we were sure would wow the crowd, when another bomb was dropped on me. Something I had looked forward to for so long and had worked so hard to be able to be a part of, was suddenly not an option anymore - at least not right now anyway. I walked away with a pit in my stomach, a feeling much akin to being sucker punched. I was distraught, but still did my best not to show it. I didn't want anyone to know that I was so upset. I even went so far as to tell myself that I wouldn't cry (which I did, and if you know me you know that that's no surprise in the least). I questioned why I work so hard when I "get nothing in return." Why I try so hard to please everyone else, when it feels like no one can every do anything for me when I need them.


I slept on it, and my already secure belief in the saying "The two best cures for anything are a long sleep and a good laugh" (Thanks for that one, Irish ancestors), only grew stronger. I woke up with a feeling of content that I hadn't felt in quite some time. It finally occurred to me that I can't see God's plan in action every single second. God has bigger plans for me than I can ever even imagine, and with this "missed opportunity" passing me by, he has a bigger blessing in store for me down the road. Maybe it won't be tomorrow, or next week. Maybe it will be six months or a year down the road, but it is there waiting for me when the time is right.

I also got to thinking about how blessed I am with the things I "get back" from my life each and every day. I love people, and I love to hear their stories. Just listening to people talk fills me with inspiration, and changes my life in ways they may never even notice - but that I do, and can't thank them enough for it. I receive random acts of kindness, from compliments on my outfit or my hair, to someone holding the door open for me, a smile from a stranger on the street. Things that I never asked for, but receive and are blessed by all the same. I love to write, and knowing that I can affect people with my words is the greatest gift I could ever receive... One money can't buy. 

People give me their time just to read what I have to say, and I give them a glimpse into my life. A look at parts of me that they may never have imagined. It makes me happier than anything when people share with me the experiences we have in common, the way I have made them feel. Just knowing that I can change even one life with my words means more to me than any of the "missed opportunities" ever could. 

I'll leave you with the words that have gotten me through today, and will for the days to come. 

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13