1 in 7.04 Billion

There are those old friends, we all have them, that we can't imagine our lives without. The ones who know us better than we know ourselves, even though most days we have a hard time admitting it. (Or, to be honest, if you're anything like me? That's every day. Even when they prove us wrong yet again. I'm always right... Right?)

The truth is that these people know us so well because they've made us who we are. Yeah, I went there. I said it. We all have ourselves fooled into believing that the choices we make and the things we do are the sole things that define us. I all too often fall into this camp of thought myself, guilty as charged. But when I stop to think - really think - about it all,  I know that this isn't the case. Not even the slightest. Sure, the things we do define us. I mean, you decide whether you want to go to college, how you dress, the "extracurriculars" that you find yourself involved with. When it comes down to the nitty gritty about who we are though, these aren't the things that really truly make us who we are. I like to believe that Chuck Palahniuk hit the nail on the head when he said, "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."

I know that I, for one, am made up of the people I hold close, the people I love, and the people I have loved. I have my father's tongue and temper, my mother's intuition, my grandfather's love for fresh air and country roads. I got my sense of humor from my childhood best friend, and my nasty right hook from a boy I dated in high school. My knack for wrestling and sassy sense of confidence came along from my older, bigger, and all boy cousins, which landed me a broken nose from a football game and a boy who turned out to be one of my very best friends. My gracefulness comes from 15 years of dance class, and the four wonderful instructors who taught me more than just dance.

Today, I was having a heart-to-heart with one of these "parts of me." An old friend, someone who truly does know me better than I know myself. We've been the best of friends, we've wanted to claw each others eyes out, but through it all we've been there for each other. He was there when my boyfriend of almost two and a half years broke my heart, when I got my first acceptance letter to college, and every time I need a shoulder to cry on. We don't see each other nearly as much as we used to, but he always knows just what I need to hear - whether it's what I want to hear or not. Today I was having a rough morning, and was just really down on myself for no real reason. I'm sick and tired of my crutches, of feeling like I can't do everything that I want to do because I'm temporarily disabled. I found myself saying to him,

"I'm nothing special.. No, not really. I'm a stereotypical blonde sorority girl who can't seem to get rid of her small town ways, no matter how hard she tries, and maybe wants to go to law school someday. There's millions of girls just like me."

He was quick to remind me of all of the things that set me apart. My sense of humor, my compassion, my genuine love for life. It's nice to be reminded every once in a while that we are special, that everything we do isn't all for nothing. That it's not just the new and current people in our lives who are proud of the people we are and are becoming, but the old ones, the tried and true, are as well. I am so incredibly blessed and gracious to have people like that in my life, the ones always ready and willing to pick me up when I stumble and fall.

The people who remind me that maybe I'm not the skinniest girl in the room, but I can throw hay bales off a trailer, give my friends piggy back rides, and hold the weight of the world on my shoulders.  The people who make me believe in myself, even when my confidence is wavering and the rain is pouring down. The people who made me into who I am, and continue to shape me each and every single day.

The people who remind me that, while it may seem like I am just another blonde sorority girl from a small-town, that I'm one of a kind. That I am unique, and that I should appreciate and flaunt it. The people who remind me that I am loved, and oh so deeply. That no matter what happens, tomorrow is always a new day, there is always a new place to see and new people to meet..

The people who make me believe that I may be one in 7.04 billion - but I am one.

Dear Generation-Y

My dearest Generation-Y,

I want to start out by telling you how incredibly proud I am to be one of you. To call myself a Generation-Y baby is the greatest thing that could have ever happened to me. Baby-Boomers? Who is that? We're here now, and we've taken over. I admit, maybe we aren't always in the limelight for "positive" reasons according to our parents' and their peers, but who cares? There are plenty of reasons why our generation is the best thing to ever walk the streets of this great nation, maybe even the world.

First of all, we recognize the importance of recognition. We fight for what we (think) we deserve. Your high school football team loses 91-0 to a three-time Class 4A champion that is ranked #1 in a statewide AP Poll - what do you do? You get your dad to file a bullying report against their head coach. Four for you, Fort Worth Western Hills. That'll show them not to mess with you. Anyway, we deserve to get a participation ribbon, free healthcare, and whatever else we can manage to get our hands on. Maybe a couple hundred thousand dollars because someone rear-ended me while driving, because hey - he should have been paying closer attention.

We understand the concept of, "Why work for something, when you can have it handed to you?" That one's pretty self-explanatory kiddos. We just seem to be the first generation smart enough to figure it out.

You all knew this one was coming... WE LOVE TO HAVE FUN! We know how to have a good time. And we are pros at sharing it all over social media. We tweet things like, "Wow, last night was so much fun.. Too bad I don't remember any of it LOL" and post pictures to Facebook and Instagram of ourselves, red solo cups in hand and plenty of skin showing to go around. Grades? Who cares about those? C's get degrees! Plus, who cares if we show off that we have fun? Clearly our future bosses are going to love that we will bring sunshine to our companies. And anyway, it's about who you know, not what you know anymore. Duuuuuuuh. Oh, and bring me another drink. #whitegirlwasted

Politics don't matter to most of us. Our vote doesn't count anyway. But, you can bet that if we are politically involved, we only get our news from one station because we just know that they have the most correct information. That's what my parents told me anyway, and I agree with everything they have to say because I just don't care enough to find out for myself otherwise.

In conclusion, it is in all of our best interests to party as much as possible in college, maybe even get a few citations. Remember that grades aren't the best measure of your intelligence. We're just kids, anyway - it's like, in our nature to rebel. And tYp3 lYk dis if we want 2. We'll grow up and be successful someday, I mean our parents have been telling us since we were old enough to listen that "You can do anything you put your mind to!" So obviously, getting a boob job (maybe a nose job...), a fake tan, and a sugar daddy will put you on the right track to being famous and landing on a series of Real Housewives.

You keep making me proud, Generation-Y'ers. You do you. Here's to hoping things go exactly as we plan, because what would we do otherwise? It's all we know.

Cheers.

Lessons Learned

"Everything in life comes as a blessing or a lesson. Sometimes both, but never neither."

It's been said that experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted. Now, I don't know how much I believe that statement, because some of the greatest experiences of my life have come from getting things I thought that I wanted. I've been high and I've been low, and I've learned incredibly important lessons from both. Two years ago, I was challenged to pen a list of some of the things I've learned, and I hope maybe I can shed some insight for you too.

I plan to add to and expand this list, so for now, just consider it a work in progress.

Lessons Learned

• Get a good night's sleep
• Set (multiple) alarm(s)
• Always leave home looking like you're going to see an ex or your worst enemy
• Get involved on campus and in the community
• Make sure there is always a camera around 
• Take matters into your own hands
• Organization, organization, organization
• Don't trust most people farther than you can throw them
• Attend sporting events
• And tailgates, and dances, and other social events
• Some of the most eloquent papers stem from procrastination
• Some of the worst papers stem from procrastination
• Your guidance department won't be the best guidance you receive
• Keep smiling
• You never know who is watching
• If you run into a tree - twice - Ultimate Frisbee probably isn't for you
• Teachers have more than just school subjects to teach you, listen to them
• Just because something is challenging, don't run away from it. Practice until you get it right
• Skip school every now and then
• Don't take the easy way out
• There's more to life than dating an athlete (or a frat star)
• No one remembers the nights when they got a full night of sleep
• Grade's aren't everything
• Don't let other people define who you are
• The goal should be to laugh as much as you breathe
• Turn your wounds into wisdom.
• Make friends everywhere you go, they could turn into the greatest people in your life
• You don't have to have everything figured out
• Don't put lava lamps on the stove
• Walmart at 3 AM is the most entertainment you can find in a small town
• McDonald's at that time is usually sketchy as all get out
• Hit the deer, the insurance won't pay if you swerve
• It's okay to get up and dress nicely in the morning for school. I promise.
• You'll find a time when you stop being embarrassed by just about everything
• Try your hardest to see the big picture 
• Driving fast is fun, but driving safely is better
• Relationships don't always last forever
• Your last name won't get you things in the real world
• High school is a time to be endured
• You might actually remember the fundamental theory of calculus
• Skype dates are a truly wonderful thing
• Lunch table conversations are one of the most honest things you'll ever hear
• Just laugh it off
• If you don't have fun, who will?
• Rainy days are the greatest for a pick-up football game
• Find a passion
• Act like a little kid - it's the best
• Having ambitions won't make you the most popular kid in high school
• Be nice to everyone, that's what they'll remember the most
• Don't sweat the small stuff... Too much
• Keep a journal
• Be a volunteer
• Driving around in your car or sitting near a body of water are great stress relievers
• Teachers hear everything
• Appreciate the little moments
• You don't have to be artistic, a little color goes a long way
• If something goes wrong, theres a good chance you're not the first one it has happened to
• Pay attention to road signs
• DUI checkpoints are terrifying even if you are driving sober
• Thank the members of our Armed Forces
• Music and quotes can express your feelings, even if you can't
• You don't have to be Bono or Bill Gates to change the world
• Go into new experiences with an open mind
• Never judge a book by its cover, in any situation
• SMILESMILESMILE
• Act like you're confident, even if you have no idea what you're doing
• Half-assing an activity because you're afraid looks so much worse than trying and failing
• Always keep a blanket, a pair of shoes, and jumper cables in your car
• Thank your parents for all they have done for you
• Stand up for yourself
• Identify your weaknesses
• When it rains, it pours - but it can't rain forever
• Some arguments just aren't worth the effort
• If your guy friends don't approve of a guy, they're probably onto something
• Don't let someone else ruin your friendships because you're in a relationship with them
• Life goes on
• Don't test a stapler on your finger. Or a pencil sharpener
• Believe it or not, there is a limit on the number of people you can fit ina revolving door
• Being punctual isn't a sin
• Being fashionably late every now and then isn't either
• A good scientist never has set expectations of results
• Take life one day at a time
• No one is perfect
• If at first you don't succeed, try again. And again. And again, until you get it right
• Think outside the box
• If it's cloudy, put your car windows up just in case
• Learn how to drive a manual transmission

The most important lesson that I've learned so far?

Just when you think you've got it all figured out - you learn something new. 

"Proud"

Remember the days you told yourself that you would never grow old?
Well, here you are - but would you really change a thing?
You may not feel that you are quiet as good as you once were,
Your senses might fail you, but please promise that you won't forget me
As I am right now at the young nineteen.

Looking back across the years may feel nostalgic and cliché,
But my biggest, burning question is, do you like what you see?
"A life of oh well's," that's what you wanted most -
And I pray the years that have passed you by
Have been enough to leave you satisfied.

From your first day of school to your first real date,
Don't let go of your innocence and blissful naivety.
The way you danced around your room getting ready,
Or your infamous response -
"I'll be just a minute!" When everyone know how it was time you lost.

Now that you're all grown up, I hope you haven't forgotten
The struggles and strife that boys gave you through the years
While you waited for your very own Prince Charming.
Everyone told you it was because you were too pretty - and that may be,
But never forget the days you said, "Daddy is the only man I need."

I'm writing from a lifetime ago, or so it well may seem,
But please don't let the years between us fool you.
You may not feel that you are quite as good as you once were,
Just know that through all that has happened and still is yet to be,
All I hope is that you are proud of me.

You get what you give

I was raised in a home where I was taught that I should do things for others without expecting anything in return. Growing up, I was constantly reminded that I would have to work for the things that I wanted in life because they wouldn't be handed to me - and if they were, it wouldn't teach me anything. I learned very early on that the greatest lesson in life was the importance of working for what you get. 


As the years have passed, I've found myself thankful of that lesson on more than one occasion. When I worked hard on homework in high school while my classmates slacked off and played shenanigans - and I didn't get one rejection letter when it came to applying for college. All the times I dragged myself to work at 5:30 am on a weekend while all my other friends were sleeping off the night before, and this semester working 18 hours a week while taking 18 hours of classes - and I've yet to have the "broke college kid nightmare" of having $3.67 in my bank account.

This great lesson that I've learned through my years hasn't been an easy one by any means, but it has aided me far beyond any material "things" that I have gained. It has helped to shape me into the woman I am - emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. I've seen the strength of a sturdy heart when the time came to listen to my parents and finally break up with that boy (and he was just that, a boy), when all he brought to my life was toxicity and friction between myself and the people I love. I've witnessed the unstoppable force of a spirit that has been beaten down by catty girls for years and years when the straw finally broke the camel's back. I saw that same unstoppable force when I heard myself yelling not only at those girls, but at my high school's principal, superintendent, parents, classmates - anyone who would listen to me. I was done being quiet, I wasn't holding back any longer.


When I talk about all the things that I have done and accomplished in my short nineteen years in this world, I tend to leave things out and minimize my worth. "Why?" you may wonder. I wish I knew how to answer that, but I suppose that I will have to leave it at "I try my hardest to be humble." I pray a lot, and I have been growing stronger in my faith. I hate to look back and know that at one point I let it waver, but I know that my life and path are always in God's hands. I mean, the Bible even says it right there in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”


Why then, do I sometimes feel like I do things to no avail? Why do I feel like I work so hard to open doors for myself, make life easier for others, and ultimately make a difference in the world - only to receive nothing in return? I find myself whining, "But I thought if I worked hard, I would gain in return!" 


If I'm being completely honest, which I aim to be, I had one of these nights last night. I was already struggling with my sorority not winning any awards at Phi Kappa Tau's philanthropy step show, even after all the hard work, blood (literally), sweat, and tears we had put into putting together a routine we were sure would wow the crowd, when another bomb was dropped on me. Something I had looked forward to for so long and had worked so hard to be able to be a part of, was suddenly not an option anymore - at least not right now anyway. I walked away with a pit in my stomach, a feeling much akin to being sucker punched. I was distraught, but still did my best not to show it. I didn't want anyone to know that I was so upset. I even went so far as to tell myself that I wouldn't cry (which I did, and if you know me you know that that's no surprise in the least). I questioned why I work so hard when I "get nothing in return." Why I try so hard to please everyone else, when it feels like no one can every do anything for me when I need them.


I slept on it, and my already secure belief in the saying "The two best cures for anything are a long sleep and a good laugh" (Thanks for that one, Irish ancestors), only grew stronger. I woke up with a feeling of content that I hadn't felt in quite some time. It finally occurred to me that I can't see God's plan in action every single second. God has bigger plans for me than I can ever even imagine, and with this "missed opportunity" passing me by, he has a bigger blessing in store for me down the road. Maybe it won't be tomorrow, or next week. Maybe it will be six months or a year down the road, but it is there waiting for me when the time is right.

I also got to thinking about how blessed I am with the things I "get back" from my life each and every day. I love people, and I love to hear their stories. Just listening to people talk fills me with inspiration, and changes my life in ways they may never even notice - but that I do, and can't thank them enough for it. I receive random acts of kindness, from compliments on my outfit or my hair, to someone holding the door open for me, a smile from a stranger on the street. Things that I never asked for, but receive and are blessed by all the same. I love to write, and knowing that I can affect people with my words is the greatest gift I could ever receive... One money can't buy. 

People give me their time just to read what I have to say, and I give them a glimpse into my life. A look at parts of me that they may never have imagined. It makes me happier than anything when people share with me the experiences we have in common, the way I have made them feel. Just knowing that I can change even one life with my words means more to me than any of the "missed opportunities" ever could. 

I'll leave you with the words that have gotten me through today, and will for the days to come. 

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13

Every reason I go back

I grew up in an incredibly small town in Western Pennsylvania that I couldn't wait to get out of.

I grew up in a town that was too small for me, that suffocated me. A town full of bigots, hypocrites and cowards. The place where "muppears" came for the summer, and we cursed them every day until the fall turned everything crisp yet again. A one-building school district of a little over 500, and a "high school" of a little less than 300. I hail from the Snow Belt, where it isn't uncommon to get three feet of snow overnight - and still have school the next day. Imagine that.

I grew up in a confused little town. A town where there was a clear line defining the city-slicker wannabes, and the kids who got offended when someone would wear camouflage to school because they weren't "country" enough. I attended sporting events where we didn't have enough athletes to field a full team, let alone win a game or be recruited to a college above the DII level. Where the other team's taunts included retorts about tractors, trucks, and cows.

I grew up in a farm town that struggled to embrace the "farm" life. Well, kind of. A town where house parties were non-existent, and you had to have a 4WD (or a friend with one) to get to parties thrown in fields. But redneck was the most offensive title someone could have. The place you could leave 15 minutes early for school to get help on Calculus homework, and be 45 minutes late because you had to help the neighbors round up their cows. I know this for a fact, because it happened to me.

I grew up in a town where no one ever really leaves. A town where people go to college, generally within 2-3 hours of home, and come back. A community where several of the teachers I had, also taught my dad. Where you could never do anything, good or bad, without your parents finding out before you had a chance to tell them. I would leave work at night sometimes to find notes on my car, simply because everyone can identify everyone else's everything.

I grew up, and I left that sleepy little town. I moved 400 miles away from everyone and everything I had ever known. I started over in the city of Derby, Bourbon, and Cardinals. I learned to love hot browns and added "y'all" to my daily vernacular. I visited home, and I counted down the days until I could make the 6 1/2 hour trek back to my new "home." On one occasion, the first night of my first Christmas break, I even broke down crying to my parents about how much I hated being at home and I hated everyone there. I truly believed that there was nothing in Hadley, Pennsylvania for me - and that I would never want to come back.

I didn't come back after that, not for an entire semester in any case. During those four months, a funny thing started to happen. Some may call it growing up, others the idea that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Others yet may argue that I just finally opened up my eyes...

I come home to a small town, that is waiting for me with open arms. A town full of pieces of myself. A little bit in each and every one of its residents - some of the greatest storytellers, savviest financial advisors, and wisest life coaches anyone could ever ask for. A place where the muppears still come every summer, and we still curse them until they leave. (Some things just might never change.) A one building school where my name is immortalized on various plaques, and where I have memories from 13 years of my life. I hail from the Snow Belt, where we actually know how to drive in snow, and recognize the importance of chains, snow plows, and studded tires.

I come home to a traditional little town. Where there is still a defining line, although these days it seems to be growing a little less distinct. I attend sporting events where, while we still can't seem to chalk up a winning record, the home side is always packed. Where the other teams stopped yelling about tractors, trucks, and cows, because we just embrace it and yell back.

I come home to a town that shaped me into the farm girl that I am, the one I didn't quite realize I was until I moved to the city. A town where redneck is a badge of pride, one that I fully accept now-a-days. The place I learned how to shoot a gun, ride a horse, birth a calf, pull back an arrow, spot a deer in a field while I'm driving. Where the air is clear and you can see the stars, and not just outside the city limits either.

I grew up in a town where no one ever really leaves, which makes it all the more special to come home to. A community that will stop traffic and stand in line for hours at the only funeral home in town, just to pay their last respects and stand beside our own. A place where news travels fast, and a helping hand travels even faster. A town that may only have one stoplight, but has "more churches than people," and an American flag that waves each and every day without failure.

I grew up in a town that may not be on a map, but that I know well enough I could draw one by heart. I  grew up on back roads and truck beds, home cooked meals and homegrown beef. I grew up in a town where the gossip is always the same, and where deer season is a holiday. (No, not just the first day - the whole damn season.) I grew up giving directions using cornfields and old family properties that have been theirs for generations. I grew up in a home where my dad WAS 911. I grew up in a place that I couldn't be prouder to call my hometown, with friends and family and loved ones and classmates and neighbors I wouldn't choose differently even given the chance.

I grew up in an incredibly small town in Western Pennsylvania, where every reason I left is every reason I go back.